"Tough Love" (2011) - Track 10:"The Roast of Worthless Americans"

The Roast of Worthless Americans

#10

9:30







With by far the longest duration of all of the so far LL recordings, we get a very good worthwile attempt by Lampenelli, to roast--not those one likes and has on the dais
but that one HATES and does NOT have on there, so saying that she doesn't always agree and get a say in the matter when it comes to selecting the roasted for a roast,
Lisa Lamapelli starts.

Too much kissing up to folks, Lisa, points out., and more roasting in a hostile way to those who are deemed worthless, in a nutshell, LL feels.

So.......

First the Jersey Shore takes a hit, with the "biggest suspect" Nicole "Snooki" Paloozi getting the big barb about her size.
The whole gang are called the greasiest thing to wash up in Florida and on the Jersey shore."EXACTLY what Miami needs"

Pauly D is so greasy,a pelican tried to BLEEP him.

Snooki, acccording to LL is a traffic cone

Situation? When the name's that the "Siutation" is that he's a freakin' idiot, then Lisa mentions his rap CD.

"Who raised these kids ------------  The REAL HOUSEWIVES of New Jersey?"-Lisa

Then (expectedly) the whole Kardashian Klan takes the next attack, for liking blacks, and the real Housewife
Danielle Staub for being a "hairy cougar" who Lisa, making one of the most outrageous puns I've ever heard yet,
compares to Animal planet,then makes the comparison with her private stuff to Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone)(
punching a punching bag.

We then get criticisms of Lindsay Lohan's driving, Britney Spears and Lady Gaga's motherhood, and finally
Jennifer Aniston's movie, comparable, in Miss Lampanelli's words, to a terrorist bomb rejectn due, explains
Lisa, to Jennifer's total absence of talent.

We also get references to "more kids"(in a uterus) "than the noontime showing of Toy Story 3(which had come out the year before,in 2010).

Finally Lisa explains how grateful she is not to have the say all of this in front of the celebrities involved.
"In comedy", she explains, "we only roast the ones we love. But...it's been my pleasure tonight to finally make
an exception. Thank YOU...I'm Lisa Lampanelli".

And with that, the finale of the latest CD that I've done. (She's since not only done a Best of, which of course won';t be reviewed due to
already existing material making it a best of..but with a title borrowed from a 1996
special, "Back to the Drawing board" later on..)_

"Tough Love"(2011) - Track #9:"Interior Design Bitch"

Intereior Design Bitch

#9

6:53
Sorry I forgot the title in the heading.  After many entries, I, as you might have read earlier, have taken a hiatus
to take breathers and I also want to put other fun articles, but, even with this CD/DVD almost done, one or two more reviews from it are
posted.

Lisa starts out by saying that her husband Jimmy is real, alive and on Facebook, adding that he is so Italain that he gave Lisa
a ring with a finger still in there (Mafia, y'know). Howard Stern  asked Lisa if they have a mirror over the bed and LL says over
the dining room table, Lisa recalls. She then does another blacks/teeth/eyes bit, and then announces "Joe", the parole, and
announces the deportations back to Mexico of all of the Mexicans in the Lampanelli audience.

Then she mentions the gays and points out that they take things pretty well, and says that if we hate gays, we can't be her
fan any longer! (Well, I tolerate them enough for the worthwhileness of being a Lisa Lampanelli fanatic.)

You see, Lisa Lampanelli, Comedy Queen, loves the gays. In fact she loves them SO much that she's hired tham as her own
personal interior designer and decorator for her personal abode. She says a straight woman did nothing better than buy her
a "garbage can" (doing her typical hammy screaming here).

She mentions on gays as designers..a gay is a terrible thing to waste.... and then mentios Jimmy sleepwalking, and then the final of these:
"once you go fruit/your place will go cute".

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #8:"I Want to be Your Wallpaper"

I Want to be Your Wallpaper

#8

3:53

Lisa talks in this one about her flight on a plane with Jimmy stuck behind the "guy that everybody hates, the white businessmean....entitled to the
armrest"(of the plane)..the guy:"Maybe if you'd smiled more, you'd HAVE more friends." Lisa: "(AND i'm like) Really...Maybe if your thingy was
harder, you'd be one of them".

But she does say.............."as a CELEBRITY (her emphasis, folks, not mine!)... that all of them should be friendly to the public...".."I wanna be your wallpaper'..then
mentioning a lady like hooer (Lisa Lampanelli-ese for whore) ..then reveals Sarah Palin to be the person, and "your husband's thingy", probaly the afore-
mentioned white businessman.

This shows a side of LL where she like being worshipped, and rescpting fans, even to the exclusion of her own "narcissistic" image.  She even gets in a very
good comment in the title comment of just wanting to be a picture of someone (though, kind of creepily, even if it's to be someone's cellphone/iphone/computer
wallpaper).

Another very good LL show bit that lies on huge audience interaction, and one that makes the home listener or watcher feel like a true fan loved by their idol. :)

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #7:"Love Letters to LL"

Love Letters to LL

#7

6:56

The impromtu business now turns to fan/marriage letters recalling marriages:

First up,LL's own comments about making her guy and her go own a diet...no easy task..:

Never go on a diet with a guy who's fat because he'll lose more than you, more than Freddie Mercury of Queen at a steambath
....I saw a hint of a chin.



Two things that LL DOES NOT bring to the table
1.Blowies
2.Dinner
Whaddam I, your mother? (spoken like a true Italian woman!)
And "I ain't lickin' your freaking b----ls, I have a normal sized TONGUE! You would need a cow tongue to do that. With any look I'd run oudda salivia and get stuck like that
kid in 'A Christmas Story'(1983)"
Then,talks about Jimmy hopping all the way like a "hippety Hopp"
, and then in keeping with and true to the title, love letters to LL from couples recalling their letters..

One was about to go off and fight the south (blacks, this was very good)
From one black couple:
(Lisa promises they still exist):
A letter of a KFC meeting--not Kentucky Fried Chicken but Kentucky Federal Correction center

then an interracial couple:
Dear lisa, we met at a bank, she was a teller, I was robbing her

Then from a Mexican-----
"Dear Lisa:
We met on the star studded night of the Arizona Desert! We tunnelled over way
across the desert, with border patrol..but ten years a and fourteen kids later,
we're happy married

THis from a gay couple:
We had aour armpits braided at the litlith fair..14 strapons..oh never mind


FInal letter
mae/female
I met her at Madame Butterface (DON'T. ASK) emporium and it was just stress relief
not love initally buit this has two happy endings..meaning they married.

And so winds up that one and we go to the next one.."11 I Wanna be your Wallpaper"

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #6:"Jimmy Big Balls"

Jimmy Big Balls


4:21

with a continuation of the topic that ended #5, "Service that Squirrell", what do references to Rosie O'Donnell, health and beauty, boobs (Lisa's)
being bouncy and wide, and making love under a blanket in an airplane row of seats all have in common?

A place in "Jimmy Big Balls", where Lisa talks about the subject, her newest, Italian husband that we met previously in the last bit, with his
unmentionables juggling before the conversations transformations over into a bit about favoprite
The View" women then getting back to the "Big Balls", juggling like Kobe Bryant--oh wait, we're getting way ahead., here. You know who Kobe Bryant
is huh, besides a supposed rapist. He's this guy who plays basketball on TV,which, black guys steal AND which latin women dust off. Thank you.

Lisa's topic is husband Jimmy, who Lisa says, has his own facebook page.

I like how when she says "when Jimmy's sleepwalkin',take a dump"..and strongly emphasises certain words. It's one of the often repeated
trademarks of Lisa Lampan elli that make this a real good roast to listne too,..

Lipshtick: Lisa in Vegas!

I was in Vegas over the weekend, when Lisa was playing, but couldn't get a ticket, but anyway, Lisa returned to
bring her type of hilarious insult comedy to Legas Vegas (forgot which place though).

Anywayu one of the publications on the table of our hotel, Bally's, had an article about her that mentioned her and
Don Rickles (Naturally, you littler hockey ****load pucks!!!!!Nahhhh!!!!!!) and also the phrase "{queen of mean",
which she, said, as most of us fans will point out that we already know, was Lisa's own coinage.


So look her up, and like me, plan omn seeing that stinkmouth and stinkbomb Lisa Lampanelli, you pissbrains! Otherwise
I know you just have weak stinking beeheavies for brains.

Singing out now. Toodles.