Sunday, July 24, 2016

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #5:"Service that Squirrell"

Service that Squirell



LIsa Lampanelli starts out mentioning her marriage to a white guy, after a "chocolate black" marriage,
but, then, she recalls, being told by a Jewish Dr. she'd been racist, so she dated a white guy, then
mentions the difference betwen dating a black and then dating a white person, a fellow Itlaian, which
to do a little roasting of my own here, isn't that white..

The term squirrell comes up in this context, which can be taken for something, uh, hairy, on a guy (or a girl!)

I'll just leave it to the imagination.

(wicked LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Just like LL does)

She then gets to the tertiary mention of the title, telling of her making out and "service that squirrell".

Her perceprtions of her husband's unmentionabls? Oh, "three lumps of playdough".

Another mention of her contributions to Haiti:"
..but then God smiled on me" her hubby's junk's swell as ever.'s.."A Jew with the perfect nose."

"A Latino with credit".

Some of the references to someone's organs do get sick, but this is just normal procedure for Lisa Lampanelli.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Happy 55th to the loveable Comic Queen of MeanTM!

It was on this day, July the 19th, 1961, that a very funny person was born. And then a REAL funny girl was born that date, in Conneticut, in the little-celebrated town of Trumbull, Lisa Lamanpelli, the anything-to-get-the-paty started insult comic, who says (fill in fave sexist word) for a decent night earning on stage, was brought into this world, for better or, even for some family members*, worse, as she became one of the most foul mouthed little kids since Katharine "Bridge to Terabithia" Paterson's foul mouthed Little Orphan Annie "The Great Gilly Hopkins. Gross, bitch I*okay, I'll say it), gregarious, but also loveably and extremly hilarious...ladeeeeeez and gentlemennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn give it up for COMEDY's LOVEABLE QUEEN.......OF MEAN......


*As reveleaed in her 2009 book "Chocolate Please", regards her attempts to fit in with her own family, and fitting in, for a former fat girl (and remember, she IS an insult comic and should TAKE it), lemme ya guys, as she'd say: IT AIN'T DAMN EASY FITTIN' IN WIT YOUR FAMILY UNTIL ya losa a little WEIGHT..(I've been there,too. Trust me . I know.)

So, here's to our LISA BIRTHDAY GIRL!

Sunday, July 17, 2016

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #4:"Tastes Like A Penny"

astes like a Penny



Homosexual Japanese jokes are the order of the day in this track about the George Takei's proclivity and race, as Lisa mentions her 2009
"Chocolate Please" (already referred to enough on this blog) when recorded by her for her own audiobook, and Lisa rewards him by giving
him a sexual object that hurt him so, "just to show that I'm a nice lady, I sent him somne"....HELLO KITTY STATIONERY! 

Lisa recalls George Takei tasting the stationary, and say, "Tastes like a Penny" (there's an excuse for the title of this one.)

Hey, with all due respect to both ladies, and this is the last time, what is it about Amy Schumer (who I may do a blog on) and Lisa Lampanelli where they have
titles of skits that have very little occurence in the monologues themselves?

She also calls her own book a non-best seller, in a sort of self-effecing moment.

Anyway, very funny...especially given Japanese are mentioned..:).

Hey, does anybody know exactly the meaning of the reference to a penny?
What does one taste like? This makes a enjoyable reference to George Takei
of Star Trek..!

This is the last cd bit review for maybe at least a week and a half or two
from and for this point..I haven't heard the latest, last year's
"Back to the Drawing Board", which once I hear it, will also be reviewed.

However, her birthday is coming up, 55th, in July 19, and I plan to post videos from YouTube on weekends and weekdays..

I AM planning on writing on this, but in comment forms..

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #3:"Roasts Remembered"

Roasts Remembered



"But I'm a nice person. I am", commences Lisa Lampanelli, who then briefly mentions her TV specials, and then David Hasselhoff not being
an easy guy to get clearance to roast, especially when Perez Hilton spread the news, and all Lisa wanted to do was say that David had now
been drinkig so much that he'd had a liver black enough to star in "Precious" , Speaking of which, Lisa, says, the girl in "Precious" didn't
win an OSCAR becuase she'd been CRYING....she had been crying due to hungry jerks stealing her McDonald's Chicken McNuggets.

The above is a real unusual thing even for her, to crack a joke about the character Precious from that movie, but doggone, it is
quite funny and politically incorrect.

Lisa mentions a movie, "Kenkel" coming out and then a sitcom where she comes up with gut and the "c" word - gunt starring
Kirstie Alley, of all people.

Other celebrities like Jeffrey Ross and (as roasted) William Shatner before a very hilarious Brady Bunch turn into a Maureen McCormick
joke about her formerly cute and now no more..Ann B."Alice" Davis being the ****able one.

Lisa goes from one celebrity and topic to another and the ending works well....with the Brady Bunch reference refering to Maureen McCormick's physical appearances, though to me everything I see of her now still looks too..too bad about Ann B.Davis alias Alice's  death several years ago.

Then the Precious movie character crying because of no more MCDonald's Chicken McNuggetsTM being available...L.Lampanelli..that was sick....but
a verty genius joke...

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #2:"I MIss Michael Jackson"

I Miss Michael Jackson



She mentions her sharing US sympathy for Haiti kids, even going there and selling LL shirts, touched on again later in the CD (only and ONLY
LL would think such a thing, as a insult comic, where kids would be, but, its LIsa)..This is then followed by comments about her desire to be a Siri GPS for a truck or car,
keyed to different indivdual minorities.

She was, now talking about Twitter, in trouble for mentioning that "Heidi from 'The Hills should not get any plastic surgery". She mentions Charlie Sheen being ready for jail where men are ready to,well,(censored)

She,regarding the surgery, that it was a reference in love toMichael Jackson points out (countered in that final seleciton) that you roast whom you
love, and she loves Michael Jackson (who had already died in 2009 at the time of "Long Love The Queen", her last album)
and then makes cutesly little praises of Michael Jackson, presumably since he's black.

Hey. In comedy, you roast the ones oyu love..
No longer can we make jokes about him. Michael Jackson, you see, thought Target stores selling boys pants half off. Michael Jackson, you, see, thought that Boyz II Men albums were selling boys to him..

Now...that he's an angel in musical celebrity more jokes..

Note: With the current week's postings mid week, and that this is the latest LL album I've heard despite her newest,
reviews are now less frequent, and may not occur every weekend or even every single week..

Friday, July 8, 2016

"Tough Love" (2011) - Track #1:"Joliet 10s"

Joliet 10s



Another intro, and another CD/DVD. This is so far the last that I've been able to hear and review but anyway, after a male (this time) announcer introduces her,
with the now by  standard issue "Ladies and Gentleman, introducing Comedy's Lovebale Queen of Mean, Miss Lisa Lampanelli",Lisa starts by commenting on
someone being black--mentioning elections (Obama, natch), she mentions loving cornholers, since these gays and you know how she loves the gays.

Now for a couple of ironies, a obtuse and notable one, two gays are named Mike and Todd, as in Around the World in 80 Days 50s producer, and pioneer of the TODD AO
process, MIke TOdd, and thenmore "S" for extra lisp potential..not that Lisa has no lisp...she lisps..she does some more talks with various minority groups...She
mentions that she's in JOliet,Illinois.

Her funniest comes in a minute of a Mexican who's happy to be unemployed, who Lisa asks about his dad and mom, and then says no stifffs here, a good thing for a
Lisa Lampanelli shows, then talking to an old guy thinking he may be a Grant Wood/American Gothic type at a dirty show rather than "a Liza Minelli concert' (though
somehow I can't see a American Gothic guy "with the pitchfork" being sophisticated enough for a Liza Minenelli show, but Liza doesn't use foul anguage..whichw as Lisa's
point..nor is she black..)..

Her Joliet 10's comment indiciate that the recording was done at Joliet, Illinois, at a 2010-2011 show.(On the final track, "The Roast of Worthless Americans", #10,
"Toy Story 3" is mentioned regarding someone having kids)

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

"Long Live The Queen" (2009)-Track #12:"My Reputation"

My Reputation



Double Whammy this Wednesday

According to Lisa in this CD/DVD closer, her mother hates her so it's good thing, her audience better like her. After describing her
family and then herself and her type of jokes, Lisa asserts "you know my M(odus)O(peration)k Street Cred, Reputation"(where she
does the other pseudo Francais on "Reputation".

She then does her usual racial Asians smell like fish, for instance, and then has everyone applaud the racials...
hitting the slopes racist if it is NOT about skiing but anti-Asian assult...then the gay folk get their due, with mentions of
Ryan Philippe, Clay Aiken, and others. One interesting thing about Ryan, that Lisa mentions, he was on (before the 2005
Oscar winning Crash) a soap oper,a the fiorst teenage gay role on a soap!

Lisa mentions she has noted that gays are going straight and asks if they've been in bed with women and then starts a mock
please-"stop making it with your gay girlfriend in high school"...then "Quit having sex with...WOMEN, cause you know the old
saying"..and here comes another of those variations.."once you go homo, the vag is a no no"(vag being short for, you now)..

THe crowd of all rces, religons, color, geners, orientaitons and the Man Upstairs only KNOWS what else laugh and applaud and leave
with Lisa L all of whom now leave us with another fully reviewed album.

With this, LL's third album is now completely revivewed.

Next one "Tough Love!"(2011) is next.

Long Live The Queen (2009)-Track #11:"Fan Appreciation"

Fan Appreciation



Talking about fan meetings after the show and else-time, Lisa recalls the interchanges she has had with fans...with THEM offering
the sweet and HER offering the salty..(FAN:"Oh...LISA...I LOVED your show...this is my anniversary.."  LISA:"Oh..REALLY..WELL
I'm 37 and SINGLE...I...DON'T..CARE". LISA: ..SUDDENLY: HA!I can't believe that you bought that load of crap you retards
Thank you for putting me in a good mood....and for proving that laughter is the best medicine..(mocking FAN):"Oh Lisa, I a
m a woman living with lupus....and laughter is the best medicine" (mocking mode off) )

LISA:"Okay, you dumb twats, but I found out who the meanest twats are".

She then regards her wants to get a black by wearing chinchilla fur then describes a real horny black's respose

She really does a lot of odd voices in this particular sketch,

BLACK GUY mentioned two sentences ago:"Here's what a chinchilla looks like"
LISA:"HERE is what forty two look like..dead"(wild laughter).

The bit ends.

Surprsingly, Miss LL, no pseudo-French a la the next and final track on this CD (#12, "My Reputation")
.I've always liked how she draws laughs out of doing that mock French. Anyway..

The real best out of all of this sketch, is Lisa doing her spiel that includes the old saw  "Laughter is the best medicine"
then mocking it as I've already mentioned above. THAT ALONE is well worth listening to the part half.

Here's what a chinichilla looks like..../what forty do.....take THAT, PETA!!!!!!

The last cut starts after this. After which, the most recently heard one, 2011's
"Tough Love" will be reviewed.

Friday, July 1, 2016

"Tough Love"(2009)-Track #10:"The Luckiest Witch"*

The Luckiest Witch *(with a B instead of W)



"You know, do I not have the luckiest job in the world? Am I (not) the luckiest witch?" asks an obviously satistfied Lisa Lampanelli.

Yes, Lisa, you ARE a lucky witch.

Her opening lines are about suitable divine punishments for racial attacks and her hilarious naming of such-beat a blakc-sickle cell anemia

Beat a homosexual? AIDS. Hispanics? No one really cares.

Then her airline travel taketh center stage recalling a propeller plane with a ramp, no jets, no big tube like usual..referring to the plane
offered as a "swan with two propellers attached", then falling down on her C word, (YOU guess what the word IS!) and being somehow (masochistically??) proud of it.

"I fell down on my c word"...broke it..and then does a very inspired comment, "a conversation starter and a half"(note..for me, some of
the best verbal comics are such if they can say a (insert event) and a half like LIsa Lampanelli here did..another topic...whites who adopt
ORientals (or is that WRONG?)..making another  race reference to the laundry..

Comparing a plane to a swan makes this one of several mentions of swans on this CD/DVD (#8,"Bagging a Bear", the "it was a full-out swan" was the other one).

The audience really thinks Lisa's mentions of falling and swans is funny, and I do, too.

Interesting, that she had no awareness of ANY planes BUT jet liners..:)