Saturday, June 25, 2016

"Long Live the Queen"(2009)-Track #9:"Homos Are My Favourite People"

Homos Are My Favorite People



Homosexuality is now the dominant, titular theme of the first part of this show as Lisa Lampanelli, or LL, comes up with yet another sick list of
different euphemisms/epithets for gays

Her list of "gay terminlogies" on HBO..including, as I could keep in mind



Poopshoot Popeye

Pudding Stool

T&^ tickler

Keeshtr Steepr

Fudge pusher

Andy Dick the comediuan

Queer and Andy Dick are the best ones in my opnion.

She then changes the topic mid-sketch to theatrical and teleivison efforts
Grease----or, the black version--Chicken Grease

Disucssing Happy Days--No blakcs--tHAT is why it'
s happy dyas

Turned once again to an individual audience member who gives away his name,. Les, of whom Lisa says, More is Les, or Les is More,
she then startig flirting and talking with him before recalling a TV "Blazing Saddles" rerun that bleeped fart noises but not the n word,
which IS terrible, since....after all...N words CAN smell MUCH MUCH worst than farts!

SHe then says she sees some teeth and eyes...a black reference, no doubt.

For gay fans, she winds up the show by this riddle: Why do f---gots do this (sings) answering not enough room for (higher note).

Yeah, confounds me too. Hey, Lisa. You going to do this stuff? Try a stronger joke..subjective, I know.

Anyway, the last ends this one.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

"Long Live the Queen"(2009)-Track #8:"Bagging A Bear"

Bagging a Bear



Sports now start to take centerfield in this bit.

 Say, if Lisa is into sports, could she cheerlead (WITHOUT R words..:) ).. but anyway she talks about
bagging her first (obviously black)..she mentions a hot dog usually being a parathensis but here being much more like a question mark...but here
a "full-out swan" enjoying making shadows, palm trees,etc.all over you in shadow.

Ms.Lampanelli talks about the vaious things that this "hot dog"
(to keep it clean, like THAT's possible) does.

Lisa L:"Most guys have a worm:()"...(their junk)....THIS guy's stuff was like a full out swan. He was makin' shadow puppets on the wall with it."

That little ")"

She mentions going on Howard Stern to explain how wanted to start bragging about bagging an actual bear, his team and his number, Whatever.

She mnetions:
her pwn her feeling

Her getting the poor guy on Stern

her stuff being better than "any bear that's come into the super bowl any time soon"

them not having any ideas of what football is, before the bit concludes.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

"Long Live The Queen"(2009)-Track 7:"Assorted Cheese Platter"

Assorted Cheese Platter



Another sketch that bears little resemblance to the title (again, a la much of Amy Schumer's available stuff like on Cutting), this is about sex,
with Lisa explaining the muscular diffulty in well, intersecting shall we shall with her man, doing the old One Missippi Two Missippi,etc.counting bit
and then mentions an assorted cheese platter, on (laughter here, can't make out, heh, pun, the next sveral words) an obvious privates reference
(or is it something anal that shall not be mentioned on this blog?) but anyway, she then mentions two Jews falling out as a result of her making out,
and then mentions more on how it (here's THAT pun again) makes out..,

The title here is REALLY irrelevant to the sketch.,.

WHAT the HELL does a CHeese Platter have to dow tih this...

The laughter REALLY covers a lot of LIsa's own and well in some stage in USA, home of the land Sarah Jessica Parker said the
following year (2010) in Sex & City 2, the land of the hormones (Kim Catrall's, and, here, Lisa Lampanelli.)

Stay aroud for another reason to say, "Long Live The Queen"!

"Long Live The Queen"(2009)-Track #6:"Enter at Your own Risk"

Enter At Your Own Risk



This is Lisa's idea of discussing 2008-2012 politics, when she says that our November (2008) votes finally were counted in..
saying Barack Obama is president...she then mentions him as a black guy just wanting some change.."Time for change"..then
points out that he did have some great speeches (something which even I, for the opposition, have to agree with, but First lady
Michelle Obama sure ain't gonna like the snack food scarfin' Of Lisa...)..and then says ya gotta admit that the crazy b word
that rhymes with witch ain't i the white house, none other than one Sarah Palin (I admire her but the following is correct, but
this is largely roasting for Lisa's entire career), who is, according to Lisam, cuckoo cuckoo...

Lisa admits that like male newscasters have said, yeah okay Sarah Palin is hot compared to say, Elenoar Roosevelt but next to Pam Anderson? (all us of, politics or diet
disregarding agree with PETA that Pam is a sexy wopman and not media-brushing for interviews),  How many kids, Sarah Palin's
gotta have, does Lisa wonder, what is Sarah, BLACCCCKK (she really extends and sharply says "black"), then adding that Governor
Palin then (referriung to Bristol Palin) has to go and have a RETARD (caps reflecting how she says it,again) kid, what kinda heck
thing that this is?

The subject then changes and incorporates the title of this (a lot of Lisa, and, also, Amy Schumer's bits have the same problem relating to
the officially chosen title of the given bit.:))

Lisa then says that any blacks thinking about the unmentionable to create babies with her, had, as the title of this track says,
"Enter at your own risk". I don't know, she says which is dangerous, banging me", or playing the joker in "Batman" (for any version,
going back to the 1960s, that is..)

This ends that sketch.

(YES, this is for the CORRECT CD listing of "Long Live the Queen" (2009)..)

Friday, June 3, 2016

"Long Live The Queen"(2009)-Track 5:"LL In Real Life"

With the holiday last weekend, though I'd put in two early posts and wait till about Sunday or June 18 for the next posts.

(Note: Accideentally reviewed the 2011 TOUGH LOVE album posts...too early,sorry! Anyway I got the correct posts...those waiting for the next album will get theirs! Starting here, since this is the third of the four Lisa Lampanelli's, posts are now one to two weekends a piece on track reviews.)

LL In Real Life



Starting out with a tale of being rich in Beverly Hills, Lisa recalls a tale of being served by a salesman who wants to "tell me lover"(of Lisa being present)
and this thing leads to her talking to gay men about the shopping story already being mentioned here of Lisa in Beverly Hills but wondering if it's an in-
insult to call a gay man a gay man.

She then winds up saying "I'm Looking for Coach" (the clothes brand, presumably).

SHe then talks to a black man who says his kid's name is Jared, then gets like in page 238 of her 2009 book "Chocolate Please" about black people
naming kids after automobiles like having a kid who's growing up to be a young guy driving, a "Escort"(like in a pimp) driving a "Lexus" (like the car, get it?)
then a son named "Repossessed"(yeah, Lisa, WE get it ha,ha).

She then talks about a black guy whom she has been dating, "Oh my god, he's laughin'",
and hten finished the bit, "I've had that joke written out for months for HBO but never got to do it yet until now!"

"Long Live the Queen"(2009)-Track #4:"Deaf Protest"

Deaf Protest



Going ab out twice the length of the first three cuts, we find Lisa at a deaf college at a deaf protest. Her live standup with her recollecitons take us to
her meeting a college supervisor who Lisa quotes a la Yogi Bear or Fat Albert "Hey Hey HEY"(the ticked off attitude puts it to Fat ALbert, who had
his own poltical correctness associaiton) "We run a pretty big business college aorund here" and then Lisa recalls many deaf folks protesting.

Her response?

"Deaf people...aren't exactly my kind of people......for selling give a soundbite".

But a newswoman came out and said to some of them,why they hated Lisa..who let it go.

Her reasons?

Her comments above regarding deaf people not being an audience for her, and her learning vile words through signage language...

A sound effect has to be added (through listening there is NO way to see have to see the DVD of I haven't yet.)

The sound effect?

A faggot farting...